Maternal mental health matters (more than parenting techniques!)

One common question I get asked a lot is why I focus my practice so heavily on maternal mental health, and less so on parenting techniques or children’s mental health. I mean, we know that our upbringings significantly impact adult mental health, so wouldn’t it make sense to focus on parenting techniques so that the next generation is better equipped? The short answer is: yes and no. Here are the top three reasons I focus primarily on mental health of mothers, and less on parenting.

Regulated nervous systems beget regulated nervous systems.

In other words, better mental health in mothers can cause a chain reaction in which we see less problematic behaviours in children. It’s a bit of a chicken and the egg scenario where it wouldn’t be wrong for a therapist to focus on parenting techniques or children’s emotional regulation in an effort to improve the entire family's functioning, however I have found that placing the focus on parental wellbeing is a more all encompassing approach. By helping parents to find increased wellness and greater life satisfaction, we naturally give rise to a healthier and more regulated next generation. Children who are raised by happy and content parents have better emotional, mental, and even physical well being into adulthood.

Moms are currently facing higher rates of burnout, exhaustion, and pressure to be perfect parents than ever before.

Moms already receive parenting advice from every angle, much of it conflicting with other advice. This influx of advice from well intentioned professionals can have an unintended consequence of increasing shame and self-doubt in mothers, causing many to sink deeper and deeper into despair. This shame doesn't serve anybody, as it leads to decreased emotional regulation and ultimately impacts entire families. So, as a mental health professional, I have no desire to add to the already high degrees of shame placed upon mothers.

Moms deserve to feel well.

It’s as simple as that. Pervasive cultural narratives and systems have created some pretty deeply entrenched and insidious ideas that motherhood simply involves a lot of sacrifice. Moms have been told through overt and subtle messages that their wellness is less of a priority, and I refuse to buy in to this belief. Moms deserve to feel well, plain and simple. The needs of mothers are no less than the needs of anyone else, and it’s time we treated them as such.